The cultural dating divide is a simple risk analysis
I was in a 7-year relationship to a woke woman, until about two years ago. One dynamic I have noticed is, such woke come to act like I represent all the awful things every man has ever done to them, and the awfulness of men generally, even as I had to emasculate myself and accept certain woke tenants just to be in the relationship. I finally realized, there is no hope if I have to answer for the ills of other men. I am done emasculating myself.
I had been living in a very liberal city. I am living in conservative country now. Even here, most women are unapproachable, the women I have met online have all ghosted me, the only ones who have seem interested are married or are carrying 50lbs of HFCS. I have been contemplating a kind of monasticism.
Geez, writing it out I sound bitter.
You forgot the sequel: the accusations of sexual misconduct vs. candidate Biden. "Believe women" went right out the window, even though the accusations were far more substantial than anything leveled at Kavanaugh. There was corroborating evidence against Biden, and innumerable instances of creepy behavior that anyone can go confirm on YouTube. Didn't matter, suddenly due process was sacred again, suddenly women weren't always to be believed anymore, and no one showed up to support Tara Reid LARPing as a Handmaid.
Also worth mentioning might have been the Depp/Heard trial that riveted the planet, wherein the accuser who'd been believed was exposed as guilty of exactly the abuse she'd supposedly suffered.
For the record, I don't pretend to know for certain if Biden is guilty or Depp innocent, only that that's what the preponderance of available evidence suggests. What is clear is that "the woke" don't care about evidence, only identity.
It's gotten to the point where a lot of men, particularly young men, aren't all that interested in dating, full stop. They might be, if they didn't think the risk level was similar to pogo-sticking through a minefield.
Maybe try finding someone who's intellectually curious. I say that as one of the few liberals who regularly read this substack and comment.
I absolutely have no idea what I would do if my wife passed away and I found myself in the dating pool again. If I found I could get over the loss and look for companionship. Im afraid I would end up finding myself a very lonely person. When my wife and I met we considered ourselves liberals. Back when that ment legalize weed, leave gay people alone to do their thing,union jobs with good pay and benefits. Stuff like that. Well the world changed around us. We’ve lost most of our friends because we don’t agree with everything they stand for. It really got bad during COVID when we refused the vax and pulled our last kid out of school because we wouldn’t let them mask him. This woke mindset tends to excommunicate people instead of politely agreeing to disagree. Hence I wouldn’t date a woke woman if I was single weather I wanted to or not. Five minutes of conversation with me and she wouldn’t have a chance to yell rape. I would just be ghosted!🤣
I dated for about 5 years between 2017 (divorce) and 2022 (remarriage), and my take is that virtually all woke women are personality disordered, otherwise suffering serious mental issues, or just have shitty character. At least the ones on dating apps.
Of course my sample size was not large and not random.
There is some social science research that shows right leaning people tend to be more attractive, physically stronger, and mentally healthier. The choice is clear.
But even the non-woke on Tinder have problems, too, it seems.
What I find interesting is that women are also unwilling to date woke men:
"Being a feminist is more of a liability than a benefit. Forty-two percent of Americans say they would be less likely to date someone who is a feminist compared with 15% who say they would be more likely to date a feminist.
Interestingly, both women and men view dating a feminist more negatively than positively. 39% of women say they would be less likely to date a feminist, compared with 21% who say they would be more likely to date a feminist (the rest said it made no difference). If you’re a single man who wants to attract a female partner, you’re better off not being a feminist."
It's interesting you bring this up. I talked with my fiancée about this a year or is ago. If something happened between us, there is no way I'm getting back into this "dating pool" without explicitly knowing the person very well going into the relationship. I don't even care so much about the political side and I'm not even a conservative, (or liberal), this is just self preservation.
Which brings up a slightly related topic, if not due to polarization, could slavery have been ended in the US without the civil war? It seems like many of the same dynamics are at play. Just in different ways.
Good analysis. Dating a woke female is a very bad idea - don't stick your thing in crazy.
'Crazy' however, is another elephant in the room here. At the same time that hardcore liberalism has spiked in popularity with young women, so have their rates of mental illness. Specifically in the liberal subset. Date one, and not only do you have a higher probability of a false rape accusation destroying your life, but that probability is even higher than it might otherwise be due to the likelihood that she is not only politically, but mentally deranged. To say nothing of the heartache that comes from dealing with an emotionally damaged woman, even if she doesn't accuse you of rape.
Falling rates of sex, marriage, and fertility are an obvious consequence, and bleak enough on their own. While much harder to think about in quantitative terms, the cultural impact of men and women cohering around mutually exclusive ideologies may prove to be the bigger story. What does society look like when the sexes have become armed camps, full of miserable, lonely people who remain trapped in their loneliness because the only romantic options are intolerable? Do men just retreat into porn and vidya, as they are now? Or do they start organizing? Or do we see a cultural reversal - women realizing that their misery is their fault, and abandoning wokeness as a result?
I don't think it requires this level of intellectualization. Woke women are strident, frequently hysterical, vicious and generally mentally ill (as are Woke men) and completely unconcerned with actual fairness and justice, as opposed to social justice. They believe social justice goals are more important than actual justice. They are also personally and frequently physically, unattractive. Some of them seem to work to achieve a certain "horribleness" factor. As a conservative, Independent, woman, I don't know how men can stand them at all. I can't.
A few questions:
- Is it idiotic to assume that Wokeness is a mind virus that can eventually be cured without permanent psychological damage? Maybe in some cases?
- Or are the pool of women taken over by it irredeemably incompatible for all time?
- Are there alternative sources of status or virtue that can compete with the Woke ideology? If not at the social level, at the individual?
I understand there is a meme going around about liberal women being secretly attracted to conservative men— maybe all hope is not lost?
Hmmm. No. #MeToo was necessary. The dating norm was for men to be pushy to get sex. I know because I was a young woman in the 2000s/2010s. Women were discussing this amongst themselves well before #MeToo. I remember an article in Cosmo Girl during that time about “grey rape”. And that shit happened to me. More than once. And years before #MeToo I was out at a college bar with friends and acquaintances discussing this issue with other ladies - and you know what one of them said? “Me too” - and this was years before the hashtag movement. My point is, #MeToo was a long time brewing, and it was because of the way young men were behaving. It’s really simple - ask a girl if she wants to have sex. Do not use pushy tactics because you’re afraid a direct question will lead to a no. Oh and maybe try to make the girl feel good - don’t know how many times a dude got handsy or tried to kiss me even though our date or hangout wasn’t going well and there was no flirting. There was often no lead up at all. Ugh.
I read the article. Thank you. So I have gathered that my wife and I are both Nasi’s that are watching a large percentage of the country go bat shit crazy around us. The keep your head down advice seems like good advice to me. Thanks HWFO.🤣🤣
Just wondering HWF. If you think writing an article about how to determine how one figures out weather or not their conservative or liberal. My wife and myself don’t know for sure. Sometimes we think we’re one. Sometimes the other. One thing we know for sure is that we are definitely not woke. We both feel completely politically homeless. Thanks.
Thanks! I have certainly learned some interesting and useful things from reading your stuff. I think the most likely outcome of a woke/non-woke pairing would be futile arguments in the beginning, followed by an agreement not to discuss politics at all. That would probably not be acceptable to someone to whom politics are important!
My last date quite some time ago. I was on a blind date because all my married friends think I need to be as miserable as they are. Anyway, I was to meet this woman at a local restaurant. I showed up at the appointed time and she is standing out front. As I walk up I'm hoping this is her, she is very good looking. I interduce myself and sure enough it is her. This is starting off well! We head for the front door and I pick up my pace a little so I can get the door for her. She looks at me like I had just grabbed her behind and said, "I can open my own doors!" I was a little shocked at her reaction. I thought about it for a second and replied, "I'm sure you can. I am also sure you can feed yourself and find your way home". I then turned around and left her standing there. My married friends almost got me on that one.