Discover more from Handwaving Freakoutery
Finnegan’s Business Plan
James Joyce takes the last slot at a strategic planning meeting
Thank you all for coming, I’m going to try to keep this brief because I know you all have connections to make and being the final session of the retreat is always a tough position, with the prairie dogging and such. So without further ado, let’s grease the skids, address the low hanging fruit, and lean in on focusing on the upshot, because trust me it’s not my first rodeo and I want to give you your time back.
Our strategic corporate cultural goal must be to deploy a safe harbor for resource-intensive breadcrumbing while neither cannibalizing our core competencies, nor handcuffing ourselves to the org chart, nor moving the goal posts. If we back-of-the-envelope it too much we risk scope creep and burning too much shield time, so let me hum a few bars of an above board pivot for you to consider running up the flagpole. We’re going to need to descope some of our sacred cows by pulse checking them, and deep sixing the below baseline options without round filing the value added golden gooses. We need impactful lifehacks for when shit hits the fan, focusing on win-win options that we don’t have to fix in post. This sort of one two punch allows employees to chime in and gain traction without the need for kid gloves along the entire tech stack, and should be game changing. We need a deeper dive into identifying the show ponies without a lot of knowledge density and who are stranded in low decision latitude thinking without the ability to productize.
We need to fire away on capsizing, sideways shotgun approaches that stress market facing point of view and are blessed by the adminosphere, without evangelizing any lead balloons. Irregardless, we need carrots and sticks, to keep seagull managers in their wheelhouse and on a glide path to looping in without pencil whipping the fenestration or kowtowing to lightning rods on hot button proceduralization. A tasked meritocracy is key to leveraging buzzworthy wow factor right-shoring and can move the needle while also, curiously, boiling the frog. Key to this is lunch and learns foisting vicious agreement, going forward with critical mass to ramp up the grassroots Johnny Come Lately’s from the get-go.
When the rubber meets the road , the full optics on recontextualizing the carte blanche long-game are essential for both our corporate synergy, and for avoiding our client focused deliverables being sabotaged by brand terrorists without the essential corporate vision. Glad handing ideation is the game plan to tease out organic growth, and will resonate with the sacrifices in skull sessions that take a bath on cookie cutter solutions. We have to sing from the same hymn sheet, get our ducks in a row, and sidebar dying on the hill of the value stream.
Our scrums must leverage rightsizing pivots to hammer out prebuttal solutions brought to the table without drinking from the firehose. We have to socialize our corporate memory in an actionable way without phoning it in over tangentry. Income not IF-come delta has to be our cost containment value proposition, and while I admit referenceable peacocks make waves with enough tailwind, a top down view exposes that dog and pony show as a pure adhocracy, antithetical to the sweat equity we expect. I believe you all, experience plate spinners that you are, track with me in this vertical.
We must whiteboard the fairy dust, reaching out to peel the onion with our go-live visioning sessions to identify the value proposition path forward. At this juncture, our organization awareness is a magic bullet, hard stop. Strategic planning is not just bifurcating disconnects to throw people under the bus with no wiggle room, it’s also about operationalizing back burner thinking without reinventing the wheel when it’s time to fish or cut bait.
We must make upselling customer-centric everything-as-a-service our wheelhouse, and circle back to upskill our pipeline best practices out of the box. Mom and pops have always disincentivized herding cats, but they’re just one data point in a three martini lunch. Our simple ask is for weapons grade, tactical dinosaur chainsaw consultants to stand up and triangulate our siloed muppet shuffle into column-shaking C-suite face time. All hands must sharpen the pencil, put their feelers out F2F, and adopt a level-set immutable brick and mortar spitball culture, detuned of optics and management porn. We are at the one yard line, vectoring our burn rate with data driven followship and criticality, curating our helicopter view to close the loop, and strap on concrete synergistic paradigms declarative of our agility as imagineers in the big learn. No amount of hand holding will pay the piper on client driven bow wave effects in the red ocean – blue ocean.
Touching base with our craft will be game changing. We have to get in bed with a transformational work-around appetite, and be the gatekeepers of the zero sum game blow by blow without becoming a post turtle. A trial balloon is in the cards, as is a bespoke level-setting boondoggle identifying the fact pattern of the banner year headwinds to come. Do not be long-conned, shanghaied into a future proof robust dialogue because the juice is not worth the squeeze. That granular, flavor of the month dog won’t hunt. We need to lawyer up against unicorns with deep pockets who are hypertasking major players within the full stack, need to touch base with scalable pace setters without chasing butterflies, and need to repurpose baked in rocket surgery as one of our bucketized core competencies.
This is exactly what I mean by talking turkey.
We have to disambiguate red flag fishing expeditions in our blame storming, marinate the bleeding edge of human capital, and hunker-down on malicious obedience. This lens is a value add for our rubber stamp culture, an action item for financial expression, and a line of sight on the fall guy for when he screws the pooch. The doability of pushing the rope is meat and potatoes stuff, folks, just keep your powder dry and make sure you’re on the right seat on the bus when we piggyback the turd polishing enculturation. The sunset is soon, and our bouncebackability is key.
At that, I’ll quit sandbagging and call for a bio break.